2010 November

Fork in the Road…

Friday, November 19th, 2010

Lacy and Allan have been engaged for 6 months. Lacy does not want to have children, but she knows (has always known) Allen does. Thus, during most of the duration of their relationship, she considered it, if only to please him.

Lacy has longed to have a successful, fulfilled, and happy marriage. One chalk- full of travel, dinner parties with friends, raising dogs, and exploring photography and fashion. She even ponders the idea of starting a non-profit, dog-rescue organization. Furthermore, it’s a life she feels does not lend itself to children; and through the course of their 6-month engagement, she’s come to learn that she’s content with that.

Allan, on the other hand, comes from a fairly large family, and has always dreamed of having a couple, if not, a few children of his own. He loves the idea of a full-house, the constant sound of laughter and excitement, as well as all the incredible challenges and unanticipated beauty that comes along with parenthood.

Allen is very aware of Lacy’s love of travel, the arts, animals, and friends, but has recently made it his mission to reassure her that all those things are still doable as a parent. Allan absolutely adores Lacy, and believes she’d one day make an amazing mother, but senses a bit of reservation on Lacy’s part as their wedding nears.

THERE’S NO EASY WAY AROUND THIS:

Point blank: Lacy needs to tell her fiancé, Allan once and for all, that she does not intend on having children; period. She needs to make it her mission to communicate her feelings using tact, grace, and a bit of empathy, while also preparing herself for the possibility of a break-up; as one should never, ever venture into something as serious as parenthood, simply to please their significant other. It simply isn’t fair for anyone.

Lacy and Allan both desire and anticipate to very different lifestyles. But, the good news is, as long as they’re both willing, and capable of making peace with that, then there is some latent beauty that can be recognized from the notion that a value is simply a value; wanting children and not wanting children are complete dichotomies, and neither of them should be forced to give up their dream(s).

The only way for them to reconcile, is for the love to be so strong, that they are willing to change their family expectations, and embrace that change with sincerity.

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Sometimes, It’s Simply Reversed…

Monday, November 15th, 2010

Mia is a 28 year-old Advertising Executive. She’s about to purchase her first piece of property – a condo in the heart of an up-in-coming cute urban area, she owns two dogs, and is constantly out-and-about with “the girls.” She has been dating Mike for the past three years, and would love to one day marry him, but is very content with the way things are right now.

Mike is a 33 year-old Music Supervisor, who owns his own home and has an incredibly packed social life, but is ready to settle down a bit more, and in theory, make the leap into marriage soon.

Intuitively, Mia feels that Mike might be on the verge of proposing, and being that she has no desire to enter into marriage for some time, has been dropping subtle hints about wanting to hold-off on marriage for the next few years. She has even been venturing out more with the girls, simply to avoid having to deal with the latent pressure.

Mike has thought for a while that Mia is “The One,” but lately, has felt that her actions – her insisting upon purchasing her own condo, despite him asking her to move into his home, her not-so-subtle hints about wanting to delay marriage, and the increase in her going out with the girls, as to avoid spending time together, is weighing on him. Heavily.

THE BALL IS IN MIA’S COURT:

Mia needs to decide if her “single” life is worth compromising her future with the man she one day hopes to marry. She should also reevaluate her current actions – her avoidance, her sly comments, her blatant need to be “in her own space,” and consider how she would feel if the roles were reversed.

She should also consider the fact that she’s dating someone a few years older, and empathize with his desire to naturally move forward.

After Mia gains some much-needed introspection, she’ll need to come to a conclusion, a candid, raw and fair conclusion, as to where she would like she and Mike’s relationship to go. After which, she’ll obviously need to broach the issue with Mike, and open the lines (wide open!) of communication.

This match has to potential to end in “Love – Love,” but only through communication and truth.

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A Thin Line…

Monday, November 15th, 2010

A Thin Line…

Josh and Allie, both 30 years-old and single, have been close friends since college. They have an array of mutual friends and interests, and share a lot of the same opinions as well – be it political, spiritual and the like. They were even roommates at one time, following graduation; but alas, Josh and Allie have remained “just friends,” despite the fact that Allie has always had a bit of a crush on Josh and thought him attractive, cool, funny, down-to-earth, and more-or-less, a “good guy.”

Although he’s had a couple of long-term relationships over the years, none of them, in Allie’s opinion, have compared to the relationship she and Josh share.

Allie would love nothing more than for Josh to finally ask her out on a formal “date,” because she truly believes they would be a great match! However, she’s intuitively hesitant, as she’s well aware of the thin line that resides between friends, and “more than friends,” and shutters at the thought of possibly ruining years of a great friendship. Not to mention, she also fears Josh may not feel the same…

She’s confided in a few of their mutual friends about her feelings for Josh, but has, understandably received mixed opinions.

ALLIE’S BEST BET:

Is to compose an organic, honest list of pros and cons to dating a friend. Dating Josh.

Using that list will enable Allie to make a more sound decision as to how to follow-through with her feelings for Josh.

If she decides to still pursue the idea of dating a friend, she will need to be completely honest with Josh – tell him exactly how she feels about him, how she’s felt about him over the years, and what she believes will come of their possible union. She will also need to prepare herself emotionally if Josh does not feel the same, as this is sometimes the case.

If however, Allie decides not broach the topic of dating Josh, and remain “just friends,” she’ll have to make a conscious effort to move forward in her dating-life, and pursue new options, while still maintaining a good relationship with Josh, her “friend.”

BOTTOM LINE:

Allie has a very important list to make!